Who Keeps the Dog is a compassionate, practical guide book for anyone navigating pet custody during separation or divorce. For the people who love their dog deeply and genuinely don't know what comes next. Drawing on years of experience as an animal behavior consultant, Karis Nafte helps you understand what your dog needs, and how to make decisions you can live with in the long term.
FAQs
CATAGORY 1 : LEGAL & CUSTODY
WHO GETS THE DOG IN A DIVORCE?
1
It depends on what path you and your ex choose when making a plan for your pet, a courtroom or mediation.
In most U.S. states, and in the UK, pets are still legally classified as property, so courts typically look at who purchased the dog, whose name is on the paperwork, and who's been the primary caregiver. In some states (California, Alaska, Illinois, New York, Maine, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, Washington D.C.) and other countries (British Columbia Canada, Australia, Brazil and others) classify pets as something other than “property”, and have different frameworks for deciding a pet’s future after divorce. But legal ownership and what's actually best for the dog aren't always the same thing.
In my experience, the better question is what is the best future home for the dog, which is exactly what mediation, unlike a courtroom, lets you properly consider.
Can my ex and I share custody of our dog after divorce?
2
Yes, but in the long run it works far less well than people hope.
Deciding to share your dog 50/50 with your ex may seem fair and reasonable, especially given other painful realities of a relationship ending, but if you are prioritizing the needs of your dog this is not ideal for them.
On a personal level, think of the long term implications of staying in touch with your ex for the rest of your dog's life. Often people find it hugely challenging to move on from their relationship due to constant contact with an ex partner and regret sharing their dog a few months down the line. Some dogs can handle a routine moving between homes, but can easily become withdrawn or anxious due to constant shifts between homes.
One primary home with meaningful visits is usually kinder on the dog than a shared care schedule.
WHAT FACTORS DO COURTS CONSIDER WHEN DECIDING WHO KEEPS THE DOG?
3
Courts generally start from property law — who bought the pet, whose name is on the registration or vet records, and who's paid for their care.
What most courts can't weigh is the thing that actually matters most to the dog: who they're most bonded to, and which home suits their temperament.
California, Alaska, Illinois, New York, Maine, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, Washington D.C. and other countries (British Columbia in Canada, Australia, Brazil and others) have different laws around pets that allows the court to look at the best interest of the pets, not just property law.
That gap between what courts can decide and what's genuinely best for the animal is the main reason I recommend mediation over litigation whenever it's a realistic option.
WHAT HAPPENS IF WE CAN'T AGREE AND MEDIATION FAILS?
4
It's rarer than people fear — most disputes, including pet-related ones, settle before reaching a final hearing.
If mediation genuinely can't resolve things, the remaining options are typically arbitration, where a neutral third party makes a binding decision, or family court. Both are slower and more expensive than mediation, and both hand the outcome to someone outside the relationship.
It's also worth knowing that in some jurisdictions courts have very limited tools here — they can't order shared custody at all, only award the pet to one party or order a sale.
Does it matter whose name my dog is microchipped under in a divorce?
5
If you are going to court, yes — registration and microchip records are part evidence a court or mediator looks at, especially in jurisdictions like the UK, where microchipping dogs has been mandatory since 2016, or Australia, where state-based companion animal laws require registration.
But paperwork isn't the whole story. It's evidence of ownership, not evidence of who's actually been doing the day-to-day caregiving — and I've mediated plenty of cases where those two things didn't match. If your name isn't on the registration but you've been the primary carer, that's not disqualifying; it's simply one factor to raise directly in mediation.
CATEGORY 2: MEDIATION & AGREEMENTS
WHAT SHOULD BE INCLUDED IN A PET CUSTODY AGREEMENT?
1
A solid agreement covers
Ownership
Living arrangements
A detailed visitation schedule
Financial responsibilities (vet costs and emergency thresholds especially — these are consistently among the most-requested clauses in any pet agreement)
Veterinary decision-making authority
What happens long-term if circumstances change. "We'll share the dog" is an intention, not an agreement.
A mediator who understands both the legal side and animal behaviour will help you build something specific enough to actually hold.
IS PET CUSTODY MEDIATION WORTH IT?
2
For most people, yes. Mediation is voluntary, private, and puts the decision in your hands rather than a judge's — most cases resolve in one to three sessions and end with a signed Memorandum of Understanding.
The cost difference is significant everywhere: in the US, contested divorces average around $15,000 (sometimes $100,000+), against roughly $1,000–$1,500 for pet mediation. The UK and Australia show the same pattern — contested court proceedings running into the tens of thousands, versus mediation costing a few hundred pounds or a few thousand dollars.
More importantly, mediation lets us weigh things a court legally can't: bond, temperament, and what your specific dog actually needs.
WHAT IS A PET CUSTODY MEDIATOR AND DO I NEED ONE?
3
A pet custody mediator helps separating couples reach an agreement about their pet's care — voluntarily, privately, without a judge deciding for you.
What sets a pet-specialist mediator apart from a general family mediator is real animal behaviour knowledge: understanding how a specific breed or individual animal experiences change, stress, and transitions between homes.
This is becoming genuinely necessary expertise. You likely need one if you and your ex can't agree on next steps, or simply want to make sure your pet's actual needs are represented in the conversation, not just assumed.
IS AN UNSIGNED PET PRENUP (PETNUP) STILL ENFORCEABLE?
4
Not reliably. An unsigned petnup is closer to a shared intention than a binding contract — courts generally want signatures or clear written evidence both parties agreed to specific terms.
Interest in these agreements is real: nearly half of US pet owners surveyed in 2025 said they'd be open to signing one, and even the UK charity Blue Cross has partnered with divorce lawyers on a free template.
But even signed petnups have limits — Blue Cross is explicit that courts won't enforce lifestyle clauses, like who takes the dog on holiday, even in writing. An unsigned draft is still useful as evidence of intent; it's just not a substitute for a properly formalised agreement.
Who pays the vet bills before we've agreed on custody?
5
There's no automatic rule — without an agreement, whoever has physical custody when a bill comes in often ends up paying.
It's a common enough flashpoint that two-thirds of US pet owners surveyed in 2025 said vet and emergency cost responsibility was one of the clauses they most wanted addressed in any pet agreement.
My advice is always the same: don't wait for a final custody agreement to sort this out. A simple interim arrangement — splitting costs 50/50, or a monthly contribution from whoever doesn't have physical custody that week — agreed in writing, even informally, prevents most of the conflict before it starts.
CATEGORY 3: BEHAVIOUR & WELLBEING
HOW DOES DIVORCE AFFECT A DOG'S BEHAVIOUR AND MENTAL HEALTH?
1
Dogs don't understand divorce, but they feel the disruption — a missing person, a changed routine, a different emotional atmosphere at home. Common signs include searching behaviour, appetite changes, disrupted sleep, increased clinginess or withdrawal, and sometimes new aggression. These signs are easy to miss because dogs can't explain what's wrong, and mild versions can look like a dog simply "getting older." With pet ownership at record highs across the US, UK, and Australia, this affects an enormous number of animals every year. Consistency in routine is the single biggest protective factor. If signs are severe or persist beyond a few weeks, it's worth speaking to a behaviourist.
Should our dog go with the kids in the custody arrangement?
2
It depends entirely on the individual dog and each unique family dynamic..
Younger, socially adaptable dogs can sometimes manage moving between two stable homes alongside the kids.
Older, anxious, or strongly one-person-bonded dogs often can't — and their stress can be subtle enough to go unnoticed for months.
The bigger issue is practical: children's custody schedules are rarely built around a dog's needs, and frequent short transitions are the hardest pattern for most dogs to adjust to.
The better question isn't "should the dog follow the children," it's "what does this specific dog need" — sometimes that's moving with the kids, sometimes it's one stable home with regular visits.
HOW DO I HELP MY DOG ADJUST AFTER A SEPARATION OR DIVORCE?
3
Routine Is Everything
The single most important thing you can do for your dog right now is maintain their routine as consistently as possible. Feed them at the same times. Walk them at the same times. Keep their sleep arrangements stable. Dogs don't experience time the way we do — they experience pattern. When the pattern holds, even in a household that feels different, they begin to feel safe again.
MY EX WON'T LET ME SEE OUR DOG — WHAT CAN I DO?
4
Start with a calm, non-confrontational request framed around the dog's wellbeing, not entitlement.
If that doesn't work, mediation can establish structured visitation even when direct conversation has broken down. If you already have a signed agreement that isn't being honoured, a family lawyer can advise on enforcement. Without any agreement, arbitration or court may be necessary. In more contested situations, an independent behavioural assessment can reframe the conversation around what the dog needs, not who's "entitled" to what.
Pricing
Courses and services for professionals
Course pricing depends on which program fits your role:
Pet Custody Mediation Course for Divorce Professionals (6 hours, three live sessions) — $695 USD/AUD
Dog Trainer & Behaviourist Course (10 hours, five live sessions) — $895
Veterinarians Course (2 hours) — $190
Parent Coordinators Course (2 hours) — $140
Group discounts are available for all courses. Contact Karis directly for upcoming dates and payment options.
Mediation for divorcing couples
Initial cost is $250 per hour.
Total cost of mediation typically ranges between $500 and $1000.